So Kayla has begun showing some OCD-ish tendencies before bed. To explain that briefly, there are some rituals she feels that she needs to do every night. They take time, so it's difficult for her to get to sleep. For a junior in high school, this is the last thing that she needs. High school kids are already sleep deprived enough.
I'm bringing this up because even though I'm very vocal about trying to break the stigma, and my advice is: don't worry about the stigma, I think that I still do. Crap. Because if I would explain to someone about Kayla's new symptoms, I would mention that we are able to cope, because we are already familiar with all of this. After all, we have been through it with Jordan.
That's when I hear the voice in my head saying: Well that sounds just great, two of our kids have the same problems. My next thought is: people are going to wonder what the hell is going on in our house.
There's that stupid stigma. Us Too.
First of all, why do I care what people think? Second of all, why do two of our kids have similar issues? Sure, I know that it runs in families. Yes, I know that stress and lack of sleep contribute to these behaviors. But Adam and I do all that we can to try to prevent the stress. We anti-push taking the hard AP and honor classes. We communicate with them about everything, take them to therapy, explain that as long as you do your best, it will always be enough... yet they are still suffering. And it sucks.
Just last week I was told through tears, "I have some B's. I can't be just average." Uggh... Average? Our girls are so far from average, that at times they boggle my mind.
I'm not sure what my point is, except to share that it is important to realize that all we can do is continue to support and love our kids. And let's not forget to not give a crap about what others may be thinking. And maybe most importantly, because nothing positive ever comes from this, let's try not to blame ourselves.
Thank you. Happy Superbowl Sunday!