The next few pages in my journal were mixed with both positive and negative aspects. The positives were, Jordan mentioned she realized we (well mostly Adam, because I was a bit of a hot head) helped her get through her down times, and understood this wasn’t how it was “supposed to be”. Impressive introspection, right? This was absolutely necessary before she could accept and benefit from professional help. Not bad timing since I finally made my first few calls to therapists, and was anxiously awaiting a call back. Woohoo!
Now for the negative aspects. You know when you haven’t seen a special relative in a long time, and you’re excited to “show off” your awesome kids? This particular relative watched me grow up, then raised two adorable kids, and now I was a mom. Well, we were all invited to my cousin’s high school graduation party. (He was one of the two adorable kids I was talking about). I couldn’t wait for these significant people from my past, to meet my family.
For whatever reason, Jordan couldn’t pull herself together enough to go to the party. I explained to her that these people already love her, and can’t wait to meet/see her. I asked her to please go, because it was important to me; “If you can’t do it for yourself, please do it for me.” But she couldn’t, and she didn’t. And I was hurt. Angry and hurt. What do you tell people when you get to a party with two of your three kids? I guess I could have lied and said she was sick, but I didn’t. I briefly explained that she was struggling and I couldn’t make her come. Talk about emotions getting stirred up.
Adam stayed home with her. This was another last minute change, equivalent to a hard kick in my gut, but we weren’t comfortable leaving our struggling, confused thirteen-year-old daughter alone all day.
Things were rough, but at least we were slowly getting ourselves on the right path. That's something. Plus, Kayla, Kevin and I had fun, and by the time we got home, I had recovered, emotionally. Jordan was so apologetic, and I was sorry she missed out on a special day filled with unconditional family love.
We knew what our job was. We needed to stay focused and continue searching for a path that was best for Us.