Monday, December 12, 2016

Self Pity Sucks

Before moving on, I would like to make sure I'm portraying our stories accurately. I don't want to minimize, or sugar coat any of the difficult experiences we went through. If I did, the ultimate purpose of Us Too would be lost. Again, it's purpose is to reassure families that they are not alone. No matter how isolated, frustrated, or dysfunctional you think your family is, there are most likely other families going through similar situations. People just don't like to talk about it.

One of the many benefits of journaling, is it allows you to write down the initial, emotionally charged thoughts, which are bombarding your mind. This is a good thing, because I know first hand, that nothing positive comes from verbalizing these rants. Here's an excerpt from my journal, written after Jordan gave me the note:

How about just clean your damn room when your dad tells you to! How about not getting into an argument about it, refuse to do it, and then pull the "poor me" attitude. All because your mom and dad had the audacity to confront you about it! You're life is unfair? What about my life?

Feeling sorry for myself in this way was never my thing, but it was slowly and meticulously beginning to creep into my psyche. I didn't like it.

It was frustrating to deal with this kind of crap over and over. Once again, I didn't understand how it was possible for me to have a child who was so different than I. One who felt sorry for herself. One who appeared to give up on difficult situations so easily. One whose choices and actions seemed to be self defeating, and to defy logic and rational thinking.

It was very difficult for Adam and I to stay attentive and consistent all of the time, especially with two younger children. There were numerous occasions when life was moving along so smoothly; Jordan was sweet, even tempered, and extremely pleasant. It was these times when we would inevitably ease up on her behavior chart. That's when life would become more tumultuous. and the crap would begin to hit the fan again. We would be forced into having one of our “talks” with her, and try to explain why her actions were unacceptable, or worse yet, unhealthy..

As the years progressed, and her behaviors became more extreme and hurtful (to herself and/or to others), so did my reactions to them. It wasn't good.

But remember, with patience, communication, professional help, and most importantly, love, we got through the seemingly impossible times. Nothing is ever perfect, but I can honestly say that today, I thoroughly enjoy spending time with Jordan. I am constantly in awe of, and inspired by, the strength and persistence she is forced to tap into each and every day.

Hope is a wonderful thing. :)

Thank you.

Us Too

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