Thursday, November 19, 2015
My Life Has Come Full Circle. Already?
The next part of my journal discussed how perplexed I was about the way Jordan, as a toddler, appeared to wake up crabby and disagreeable most mornings. I just wasn't that type of person, so it was hard for me to understand. She didn't want to do anything, and complained about every suggestion that I made. I wondered why someone would be unhappy before their day even began, especially someone so young.
Adam tried to explain to me that this happened to him sometimes. He would wake up feeling anxious and stressed. It was a fear that he couldn't, or wouldn't, get anything done anyway, so why get out of bed? I told Adam that life shouldn't be such a struggle. It made me sad, and I wished that I could fix it for both Adam and Jordan.
Even back in the year 2000, my initial reaction was to suggest to Adam that he get professional help. If life is that difficult, why wouldn't you want to talk to someone, and perhaps take medication? In my mind, that was what psychiatrists and therapists were for.
I'm not sure why I always believed in the benefits of therapy and getting psychiatric help. Maybe it was because I got my Bachelor's degree in Psychology, or because I had a close friend and grandmother who openly struggled, and sought out help. I did know that I hated seeing my husband, the man who I adored, wrestle with motivation and accomplishing everyday tasks. It also upset me to see Jordan agitated and discontented. I believed that it didn't have to be that way, for both adults and children.
I realized back then, how fortunate I was that I didn't have to battle with these types of issues. I actually wrote this in my journal, how lucky I was.
How's that for irony?
For some reason, even though I wasn't faced with these problems back then, I understood that no one was guaranteed immunity, not even me. I wrote this fifteen years ago: "I still believe that one day when our kids are on their own and our parents begin to ail, that I may need to seek out professional help for myself. I will certainly have an open mind about it."
Is anyone beginning to see the full circle thing?
I now understand that "oh crap" feeling while laying in bed in the morning. When your brain gets stuck or overwhelmed with negative thought patterns, and all you can do is pull the covers up a little higher. But the longer you stay in bed, the more the inner voices of guilt, self doubt and worry rush around in your mind. As an adult this could show up as lack of motivation or depression. As a child it may come across as crabbiness or defiance. Either way it requires patience and understanding from those close to the person suffering. Patience was (and is) not really my forte. Having a deeper understanding of the ins and outs of mental illness, chemical imbalances, or even personality traits, can help to make difficult situations easier to handle, and ultimately, easier to accept.
It is my hope that Us Too helps to do just that.