Could Things Have Been Better?

What was I feeling while my beautiful oldest daughter was standing alone in the rain, embarrassed and hysterical? If I didn't admit that I was angry, I would be lying. Of course I was angry. I was angry, and embarrassed. What a great impression we must have been making on the extended family. The best way for me to describe my emotions; I felt trapped. Watching her suffer like this, away from home and pushed to her traveling-limits, broke my heart, but her harsh behavior towards her younger sister was not okay.

Jordan was all about image and making a good impression. A rule follower. She held herself to very high standards and was content to go unnoticed in social situations, especially those involving adults. Getting hit in the head with a basketball, it tends to get you noticed. Imagine her internal torment when one minute she was in complete control of her emotions, and the next she could see nothing but red.

I think that deep down, like deep in the pits of our stomachs, parents know when something is wrong. Actually, I don't like the negativity of the term "wrong". Let me rephrase this; we become aware that things should, and hopefully could, be better. A portion of our hectic, busy lives may need to be "tweaked" to help ensure the well being of the whole family.

So yes, deep down I'm pretty sure I realized that at times our lives should, and hopefully could have, been less tumultuous. Why would any child repeatedly put herself through all of the pain and drama, if it could have been avoided? The answer to this is obvious to me today, but it certainly wasn't eleven years ago. If it was, we probably would have sought out professional help long before we did.

But please don't worry, I don't have deep regrets. I can confidently say that we all did the best we could, with what we knew.

And it certainly helps that today we see Jordan blossoming into a pretty awesome young adult. :)

Thank you.

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