What’s the one scenario you would be least likely to hope for when one of your kids is in a fight with her best friend? How about having that best friend reach out to another one of your kids? Kayla began “discussing” (aka texting) the situation with Jordan’s New Mortal Enemy (NME).
My first instinct was no way, because everyone knows how the wonderful world of middle school drama works. There are two sides, and everyone is either on one or the other. All of a sudden I was annoyed, and left wondering, what the heck happened to Team Beck? It was then, that Kayla enlightened me.
Apparently, both Jordan and NME were saying the exact same things about each other. Go figure. They had very similar personalities. Both were intelligent girls who could be mean, moody, over controlling, and confident--while also being insecure. (Not the easiest personality-trait combo.) Kayla told me she wouldn’t be friends with either of them, and that most of the issues brought up were exactly what she had dealt with growing up with Jordan. Why would she take her sister's side? Hearing Kayla voice this realization still makes my heart twinge a little, even today.
I did the Mom-thing, explaining how it wasn't easy for Jordan to be the way she was, and that she really couldn't help her behaviors. If she could, wouldn't she ease up and change, in order to avoid the pain and conflict? I'm sure this was a tough pill for Kayla to swallow. Hell, when I was in the midst of the emotional arguments, I had trouble believing she couldn't control her actions. (Not surprisingly, this led to numerous future, cringe-filled moments.)
But she was our child. There was so much more to her than the argumentative, difficult, angry behaviors we were sometimes presented with. I'm glad I realized this back then. We raised her, and we were well aware of the many facets that made Jordan...Jordan. We knew the funny, sarcastic, confident, caring, smart, sensitive, love-filled Jordan. We, meaning Adam and I, just needed the understanding, patience, and the guidance before we were able to help her find her happiness and her wholeness.