You know how when someone mentions the words middle school, most adults groan and cringe? I never truly understood this reaction until watching Jordan try to navigate her way through. Sure, I look at the pictures of myself in middle school and cringe, (the hair and clothes of the early eighties... need I say more?) but I don't equate this time as being sad and angst filled. Was it awkward? Sure. But miserable? Not that I remember.
Now I better understand the negative reaction. During this time things were so rough in the Beck household, that we felt obligated to take away Jordan’s cell phone. Her lifeline. Ouch. Simultaneously, Jordan’s best friend decided to hate, and completely ignore Jordan, while she (in the typical middle school fashion) strategically pulled the rest of the friend group away with her. Perfect.
All of this led to yet another ridiculously trying night. Jordan was sobbing in her bed and I was desperately trying to console her. In the past Jordan would reluctantly latch onto something I said, no matter how minuscule it may have been. This would inevitably lead us to some sense of closure, resolve, and much needed relief at the end of the day.
But it appeared those days were disappearing from our nightly routines. Nothing I said helped. Actually, much of what I said made her more upset, more angry, She reacted as if I had no clue, and worse than that, no right to voice my opinion. Excuse me? You won't even try to accept my help? As you can imagine, with my competitive, but also so very empathetic personality (when it came to my kids), this did not sit well.
Instantly I felt I was being cascaded into unprecedented levels of anger and hurt. Not a good combination. It killed me to see her suffering and I would have done anything to help her, but she refused to let me.
And I was very resentful.