The "What-Ifs" of Life

As I began to read over my next journal, when Jordan was almost four, I was confused as to what I should share. Much of this journal described happy moments, some which included the numerous times she told me she loved me. She and Kayla also held hands quite often, and said they loved each other. My favorite was when Jordan said to Kayla, “It's Bring-a-Friend-Day at the Little Gym. You can come because you are my best friend, and I love you, and I won't be lonely with my sister there."

I swear, this made me feel as I had imagined the Grinch felt, when his heart GREW three sizes that day.

But let's face it, all these positive scenarios don't really play into the theme of this blog, which is trying to identify/deal with possible personality/chemical/mental health disorders. So why am I including them?

Because they help bring out an important, although sometimes overlooked point: People with diagnosed chemical imbalances may come across as quirky or different, but they are still loving, caring, functioning (albeit, sometimes with the necessary help) human beings. They experience the ups and downs of life, as everyone does.  But a common (yet important) distinction to be aware of is; their emotions typically appear to be more extreme or drastic. Yes, even the ups can be more intense, and more impassioned.

In this next section of my journal, when describing Jordan's behaviors, I wrote the word "manic" quite a few times. I wasn't worried then, I was only making observations. But today, I do find myself worrying (or at least thinking about the "what-ifs") a bit. What if her previous behaviors, even if they don't appear to be relevant today, come to surface at a later time in her life?

But remember that package I mentioned a few entries ago, and how all of this should be thought of as a gift? Well, from my limited experience and knowledge about Bipolar Disorder, (and yes, I do realize that this is yet another time when I would like to have control, but understand clearly that I do not)... this is one part of the gift that I would rather she not receive.

Thankfully, Jordan has not been diagnosed with Manic Depression or Bipolar Disorder.  And, you know what? For today, that's good enough for me. :)

Thank you,

Us Too