Monday, June 27, 2016

Snapped Back To Reality

For all you Eminem fans out there :)

You know when you think everything is going fine and life is rolling along smoothly, and then you're kind of snapped back into reality? Yep, Me Too.

I think I mentioned a while ago how impressed I was with the Mental Health First Aid class (MHFA) that Adam and I took. Afterwards, I reached out to one of the instructors, letting her know that I would be interested in leading the class one day.

One day. When my parental responsibilities were less demanding. Why do I have the feeling that some of you older parents get a chuckle from this statement?

But just the fact that Jordan has graduated, and will be living on campus, will leave me with much more free time. I still "help her" do her toiletries every morning and every night, so she doesn't get stuck in front of the mirror battling her skin picking disorder.  I still wake her up, make sure she eats and drinks... well, you get the picture. There's no resentment. It's how our life is, and it works for us. But I do realize my life will change dramatically when she leaves. In a good way. Because I have hope and faith that a big change is exactly what Jordan needs. Without it, I honestly doubt she would have the ability to move on and gain confidence and control.

Yes, it will be hard in all of the "normal" ways, but I see it as so very necessary. For all of us.

Back to the MHFA class. I found out the training to become an instructor was being offered today. Well, actually, this whole week. Today is one day after Jordan's grad party, and the class ends a few days before the 4th of July. Plus we have a family wedding on July 8th.

But the class did fit into this time slot. I could do it! I filled out the eleven page application, and was notified that I was accepted into the program. I felt honored. Nervous, but honored.

So in my mind everything was going fine, and life was rolling along smoothly. Busily, but smoothly.

Until I was informed by Kayla that I haven't been "hearing" her lately. She was freaking out because she has no idea where she wants to go to college in a year, she needs to email track coaches, she can't clean her room, she isn't living her life... And nothing I said helped. I told her she had plenty of time, she doesn't need to know what she wants to do yet, she has so much going for her, she's been working out, has a boyfriend... Nothing helped. Especially when I said "Last year when I helped Jordan, we didn't start this early." Her reply to that? "I am not Jordan!" Ouch.

She was telling me, loud and clear, that she needed me. She told me, "I can't do it alone." Now I am hearing her.

Let the snapping-back begin.

Thank you,

Us too

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