Saturday, May 19, 2018

Tough Love is Just That

After the journal entry based on the post:  The Gone Me,  I didn't write for almost a full two months.  Those must've been a hell of a couple of months.

When I finally did write, it was about when I took a mental-health day off from work. (I'm not sure if I had mentioned this before, but I was working part time at our local elementary school, as a reading aide. I wasn't utilizing my degrees or certifications, but at least I was teaching again.)  Adam still didn't have a job, so we talked a lot that day. We spoke about how he was a dreamer through and through, and I... definitely was not.  Although this conversation could have been dreadfully uncomfortable, it wasn't, probably because Jordan was beginning to enjoy her life again.

She was involved in the 8th grade musical, and she was loving it.  Yay!  It's really not surprising that she enjoyed the rehearsals and shows, because everything that happens in a musical is on cue. There are never any surprises. The ultimate goal is perfection. This was pure heaven for a kid like Jordan. Plus, these kids loved to sing.  I love how a sense of belonging can make a world of difference in someone's life.

Like I previously posted, things can (and do) get better.  They may not be great, but better is something, isn't it?  Adam still didn't have a job, I was beginning to feel "stuck" in my career path, and 5th-grader Kevin was driving us nuts with his argumentative attitude. But because Jordan wasn't suffering and struggling as much, I was so much better able to cope.

I wrote back in August of 2015, in the post: Love and Awe... that when Jordan had a scratch on her face, I had expected to see it on my own face. I guess that should've been a clue that my future would eventually be thoroughly intertwined within Jordan's.

It's taken me over 20 years to painstakingly figure something out:  this type of codependent relationship wasn't productive or healthy for either one of us.

Thank you.

Us Too

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