Friday, June 22, 2018


The next night things calmed down and went back to "normal" (believe it or not, that's how we rolled; no grudges, no holding onto the anger for very long) Jordan asked if she could practice for play tryouts.  My response was "Only if you are totally ready for bed before you start." Then I said the line I never thought I would utter to one of my children. "If you don't like it, there's the door, and good luck."

She decided to stay.

Here's a thought. Was she compliant because she witnessed Mom's "crazy" the night before? Did it make an impression?  Perhaps a better question would be, "Was the impression a positive one or a negative one?   Maybe it doesn't really matter.

Just two days after our night-from-hell, I wrote:  I know that all of this-- her whole life, has been somewhat "textbook".  I could have predicted a night like this from very early on.  I also wrote:  If we don't get her the help she needs, I wouldn't be surprised if one day she threatens to take her own life.  I thought this back in 2012.  Damn.

What would push a mother to assume that her first born child would continue struggling to the point where life would eventually push her towards the depths of despair?  Well, remember the time during summer camp when she refused to drink anything so she wouldn't have to use the bathroom with the bugs in it?   This would.

So many of the mental illnesses; Anorexia/Bulimia, Anxiety, Perfectionism, OCD, Addiction, Depression...they all have one common root:  A desire for control.

Yep. Her Too

Thank you.

Us Too

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