Sunday, March 25, 2018

Unrealistic Expectations

Does anyone really know what to expect on the first psych appointment? On the one hand, I was pissed that this highly educated doctor didn't have a solution for Jordan. It's not as if getting to this point was easy. This was the culmination of years of fear, anger, frustration, and finally hope.  We took a huge step in the right direction, and I guess naively, I anticipated more answers.

On the other hand, this doctor who we just met, was willing to prescribe medication to Jordan after an hour long evaluation.  So you think your daughter needs to be medicated. Sure. Here are the drugs that may potentiality alter her personality and her life. It was that easy, and this scared me. 

Adam wanted us to keep trying at home.  If we were to react in a less angry, less combative way, he believed things had the potential to get better for all of us.  I agreed, but I also felt as if we were trying for so long, and look where it got us. Time after time we made a plan, tried to stick with it, she didn't (or wasn't able to) follow through with her part, and we would let it slide. Then the sh*t would hit the fan again.

I wanted someone to help us to be more consistent, help us find a plan that worked, and give us support. I didn't think this psychiatrist was that person. Maybe Jordan's current therapist was.

I wrote these confusing words in my journal: I came to the conclusion that in my mind- if Jordan needed meds one day, that it would give us a reason for all of her impossible behaviors throughout the years. Like she couldn't help it.  It's chemical, clinical... If not, it just seems like she's a pain (cringe). Always was, always will be. Ugh.  And worse, she will always be IN PAIN. That's too tough for me to accept. 

I'm not sure, but I think at this point I may have already decided that she should be medicated. I just didn't realize it yet.

Thank you.

Us Too

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